moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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