so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
