I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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