Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
