I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
