I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
