my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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