is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
