So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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