it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
