Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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