I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
