That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
