I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
