Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
