he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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