Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
