oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's shark week go big or go home
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
