Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
