pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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