I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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