I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
