Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
