I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
