: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
