My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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