My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
