dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
