well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
