If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just cropdusted the office
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
