We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
