is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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