i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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