Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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