Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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