i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
high people should be assigned attendants
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
