There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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