bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
