apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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