I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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