he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
