I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
