i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
