did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
