a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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