She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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