Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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