So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
