and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize