Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
