my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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