my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
