He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
