what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
