I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My penis needs a shock collar
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
