He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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