dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
