hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
